my essence

my essence
fire and wind, the essence of me

Friday, December 31, 2010


So I finally told my dad about this blog last night. He asked me what Becoming Freedom Dance meant. I said, "that's what I want my new name to be". U should have seen his face. It was comical, he looked so confused and maybe a little weirded out lol! But name-changing is nothing new. In fact, God changed names all over the place in the Bible. Some of the names were picked by others, but God was responsible for many of them. Changing a name establishes a new identity. It represents a drastic change in ones life, whether it be good or bad. For me, it separates me from the old life of bondage and shows that I am destined for a new mission in life. Here's a few old favorites from the Bible. Abraham, Sarah, Jacob, Joshua, peter and Paul. Some lesser known are Daniel, Naomi, Gideon, Esther and Joseph. A few years ago, a prophecy was spoken over me by a spiritual man I have confidence in. He then told me that God has his own special name for me and I should ask him to share it with me. After a few moments of silence and meditation just sitting in the presence of God He told me very clearly "Dance Warrior". I felt like this tied in with my Indian roots and I could identify with it. I fight my battles through music. When deciding to change my name in a public way I knew I couldn't go by Gods name for me so I modified it to Freedom Dance. Because freedom from sin and all the bondage, walls, criticism, wrongful condemnation and fear is what I'm following hard after. So there. Now u know... the rest of the story. :)

Thursday, December 30, 2010

Learning What Happened

I have thought a lot today about the Church of God that I grew up in and the way it influenced me and my generation, most of whom either responded the way I did or worse.  I have realized that the religion was forced upon us, rather than taught to us.  It was given to us like medicine-take it or die.  It was so black and white.  There was no room for personal growth, individual understanding, or a gentle tolerance and patience with each other.  Even worse, the voice of the Holy Spirit was stifled and squelched into non-existence because we were expected to obey the authorities without question.  Their word WAS bible, and how dare anyone question it.  There was no room for compromise or negotiation.  This caused us to be helpless and weak, unable to make sound decisions on our own, or it turned us into cynical, rebellious, bitter souls, unable to find peace within ourselves, God or mankind.  This is a sad, heartbreaking result of a religion that seemed to be holy, yet was so wrong.  When the authorities disagree with each other, it causes the people to become dissatisfied in relying solely on what their authority tells them what to do.  How can they be so right if they disagree with those of their own level and position of power?  When people leave the Church, they either go all the way to the extreme-anything goes.  Or they learn to think critically for themselves and search for Truth on their own, discovering a true, intimate and powerful relationship with God.  Or they may go to the extreme of relativism, and then come back to the middle, seeking what is right, honest, and good.  I went to the extreme, I will admit.  Now I've come back to the middle because I do want to know God for myself, and not in the light that He was portrayed to me in-a harsh, unforgiving, overbearing God that expects me to be perfect... something I'm definitely not.  No, I'm discovering that He is a forgiving, passionate, kind, gentle God that wants what is best for me, wants to provide for my needs, support me, guide me, and lead me all the way home to Him. 
Speaking of home, I really would like to stay here and not move across country to CA.  I don't know if that's a possibility but I can dream and pray and hope.  I have a lovely home on the hill, close to my parents and siblings, a steady job and a great piano job....  We will see what transpires over the next few days as my family life sorts itself out. 

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Tearing Down Walls

I have had a profound truth revealed to me by God Himself.  He is my strength, my fortress, my stronghold, but I don't let Him be because I've built all these walls that I rely on to protect me.  I will call the walls out by name, so that the devil can be cast down and God can be exalted.  I have built a wall because I'm hearing-impaired.  This wall protects me from rude comments and weird looks.  I hide behind it in my insecurity of being "abnormal".  I have a wall that's labeled "being a Storts" because my dad always said I was cursed with the Storts fat gene.  I have blamed my overweightness on my genetic makeup, and made this wall a joking matter.  A third wall has been erected in honor of being homeschooled and an unkissed virgin until the age of 30.  My lack of social skills, my ungracefulness when opening my mouth to speak, my general sense of not belonging anywhere, my unhealthy fear of being alone, have all been blamed on these two happenstances in my life. The fourth wall is titled "being a preacher's kid".  My unreasonably high expectations of myself, and the expectations I think others have of me, are blamed on being a preacher's kid, a notorious preacher, and I was the piano kid put in the spotlight, which doubled the pressure of being perfect.  And to cap the four walls off with a roof, just to make sure I was real good and protected, I built a roof of cynicism, from a lifetime of failed friendships, romantic interests dissolved into smoke, men that used and abused me, a childhood church that rejected me, and a failed marriage recently added to the list.  
But guess what?  I don't need these walls and roof to protect me, to be my strength, to shield me from further hurt and tears.  I have all that I need inside me, because GOD Himself dwells within me!  What an amazing thought!  That means all the power, strength, courage, bravery, and grit of the universe is in me, therefore I don't need anything else.  Me and God, we make a fantastic team.  I am strong.  I am brave.  I am courageous.  I possess all that I need to be whole, healed, beautiful, full of love and peace.  So I no longer hold walls up around me.  When you see me, you see the real me, not the glimpse of me hiding behind some insecurity.  The real me holds her chin up high and her chest out, her eyes full of life and peace.  Because God goes before her, God is in her, God surrounds her.  And she is safe, secure, at ease.  She has found her resting place.