my essence

my essence
fire and wind, the essence of me

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Buddha or Jesus

Apparently, there seems to be a concern that I am turning towards Buddhism with a humanistic viewpoint at the helm of my ship.  I understand the concern.  But I will take the time to disprove this thought for the sake of those who care to read my blog, but more importantly, to take power away from the nay-sayers.

Buddha and Jesus Christ are either put on the same level or one elevated above the other in many religious circles.  I will state my personal belief, along with facts.  Buddha was not born of a virgin.  Jesus was.  Buddha never healed anybody, raised anyone from the dead, or claimed to be God or the son of God.  Jesus did.  Buddha did not bring himself back to life after dying at the age of 80 from a combination of old age and food poisoning.  Jesus prophesied his coming back to life after 3 days in the grave, and did so.  Buddha did not claim to be a divine being, only claiming to have divine aspirations, attempting to rise above this world through meditation and attain the ultimate level of peace.  Jesus said He was from heaven, and became one of us in order to save us.  He did not attempt to rise above this suffering world.  He became a part of it in a sacrifice of unconditional love.  I may admire one for his attempts to better himself, but the other I worship and adore.  He was perfect and without sin, and He died so that I might have life. 

There were times when Jesus told someone to “heal themselves” because He needed to see if the person was willing to do the work rather than just looking for a free hand-out.  Jesus could easily instantly heal me of my reversed spine, my low self-esteem, my paralyzing fear of being true to the plan God ordained for me at point of conception due to receiving disapproval from family and friends, and all the other things that hold me down.  But Jesus has told me to heal myself.  So I am discovering the truth of what GOD thinks of me, separating myself from what the church and family thinks of me.  Their influence and viewpoint of me has been negative and devastating to my development.  I am rising above that and seeking the truth.  That is not humanistic.  That is being spiritually enlightened.  I know that a man cannot direct his own steps.  We all need a higher power to aid us on this path of life.  So I look to the Highest Power of all to guide me into all truth, understanding, wisdom, and enlightenment.  He will not steer me wrong.  Men do.  God never will.   

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Encouraging myself

I read two things today that profoundly influenced me and I want to post it on my blog so I don't lose it.  Because I will definitely want to read this again.  Good stuff.  Hope it helps somebody besides me.  (is anybody even reading any of this???)
“I am Me. In all the world, there is no one else exactly like me. Everything that comes out of me is authentically mine, because I alone chose it — I own everything about me: my body, my feelings, my mouth, my voice, all my actions, whether they be to others or myself. I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears. I own my triumphs and successes, all my failures and mistakes.
Because I own all of me, I can become intimately acquainted with me. By so doing, I can love me and be friendly with all my parts. I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other aspects that I do not know — but as long as I am friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously and hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles and ways to find out more about me.
However I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically me. If later some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought, and felt turn out to be unfitting, I can discard that which is unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that which I discarded. I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do. I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive, and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me.
I own me, and therefore, I can engineer me. I am me, and I am Okay.”
Denis2005 Virginia Satir quotes (American Psychologist and Educator, 1916-1988)

Second piece of mind-blowing material for the day is an email from my counselor which was a response to my saying I feel depressed when I'm alone.
I think that, given time, you will embrace being alone.  While I love people, I really look forward to my private time.  The whole concept of needing to be with people all the time is a Hollywood myth.  Especially when it comes to romance, you have seen the difference between what Hollywood sells and reality.  See if you can convert some of your alone time from feeling needy to feeling empowered.  Spend some time meditating, and see if it begins to liberate you.

The depressed state is what the Chinese call "excess yin".  It slows down everything, including the physical metabolism.  When that happens, you stop being active, stop burning energy and start gaining weight, which is even more depressing, which starts the cycle over again.  You want to infuse a little "yang" into your life!  Do you have a bicycle?  or do you like to walk?  A good idea is to bike or walk for about a half hour every day.  Perhaps you can bike or walk to the store (or other close errands) rather than drive.  If you can get out in the sunshine for a few minutes a day, that would be great.  You could convert your lunchtime at work to a walk time perhaps.

We tend to evaluate ourselves by either what we do or what we have.  But we are "human beings", not "human doings" or "human havings".  Now is the time to go within and really discover who you are - when you do, you'll see that you are a wonderful, pure, kind, saintly being.   Eventually what you do and what you have will just be a natural "side effect" of who you are.

MMM....  rich stuff.  Tops my day off with whipped cream and a strawberry.  (yes, strawberry.  Eww on the marachino cherries!)

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Farewell Francisco

My husband is gone.  Per my request.  I have so many mixed emotions.  I desperately wanted our marriage to work, but it was doomed from the get-go.  We didn't get married for the right reasons or out of love, and we weren't even compatible in the remotest sense.  I regret hurting him.  But I knew I had to separate us in order for me and my children to find happiness and peace in our home.  So priorities, priorities.... But here is a song for you, Juan Francisco Lopez.  I will always love you because you gave me two beautiful children.  That was the greatest gift of all.
Your fingertips across my skin
The palm trees swaying in the wind, images
You sang me Spanish lullabies
The sweetest sadness in your eyes, clever trick

Well, I’d never want to see you unhappy
I thought you’d want the same for me

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?

So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

We walked along a crowded street
You took my hand and danced with me in the shade
And when you left you kissed my lips
You told me you would never ever forget these images, no

I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot try the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind

So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine
Did I make it that easy to walk
Right in and out of my life?

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Why can't you just let me be?

So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

Closing that chapter.  Here opens a new chapter, full of hope, awe, inspiration, excitement and a serious adrenaline rush.