my essence

my essence
fire and wind, the essence of me

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Discovering the Magic of Love

A girlfriend of mine has been struggling with her relationships with men.  I shared this newfound understanding with her today.  I love the lesson that I've learned the past couple days, and I want to make sure I include it in my journal. 
When a man completely adores you, can’t get enough of you, and does everything he can to hold onto you, that is something special.  Hollywood makes romance out to be something that it SO is not.  Men are rarely the svelte, suave, sexy gentlemen that we want them to be.  It takes us women to polish them up to that level.  J  And to be honest, it goes both ways.  We can be bitchy, and you know men don’t respect that.  It takes time, patience, working out differences, communicating, and learning how to compromise to get that bitchiness out of us.  That’s when we become princesses our men are willing to fight for.  Romance never happens overnight.  That’s silly infatuation.  True love is cultivated and developed.  It can be a holy nightmare, but if you stick to your guns and you determine to fight for the connection you know you could have with him, then the rewards begin to FAR outweigh the pain and struggle.  You start discovering the completeness, unity, and oneness that love brings.  And that’s the sweetest thing in the world, to be one with someone else.  To have someone on your side, no matter what.  That’s delicious.  :)
Francisco, thank you for standing by me through all this crazy mess.  You are definitely being polished into that jewel I always knew you were under all that tough skin.  I love you more and more with every passing day.  Thank you for helping me discover what Love truly is.

Sunday, January 30, 2011

The Miracle of Love and Forgiveness

I may have lost a lot of friends through all this, but there is one person who refused to leave me alone.  And that was my husband.  Even though I had left him, even though I told him I wanted a divorce, he never stopped loving me.  Thursday evening God opened my eyes and showed me that HE had worked a miracle in Francisco's heart.  His guard was down, his heart was open towards me, he wasn't defensive and trying to protect his ego, he was sweet, understanding, patient, kind, and gentle.  In that moment of enlightenment, all the old hurts were cast from the east to the west.  They didn't even matter anymore.  I forgave my dear Cisco completely in that instant, forgave myself for giving up on him, and God replaced that bitterness and pain with love.  Wondrous love.  Forgiving, unconditional love.  I'm in awe.  Completely stunned.  I finally feel like I'm actually married.  To a man I will always cherish.  These past 2.5 years have been the rockiest, most painful years of my life.  But God has promised me He will restore those years and the positive, happy days will far outweigh those years in no time. 
I also want to include a thought to those that think I'm wrong in rehashing my past and blaming my failures on those in my past or on past experiences.  There is a quote I want to share with you from a book I've been reading called The Thinker's Way. 
"Most serious problems do not appear suddenly; they develop gradually over time.  In order to understand fully the present incarnation of your problem, it is helpful to identify its point of origin and trace its evolution.  Just as pulling out a weed without extracting its roots fails to kill it, so trying to solve a problem without understanding its history often leads to results that are only temporary."