I may have lost a lot of friends through all this, but there is one person who refused to leave me alone. And that was my husband. Even though I had left him, even though I told him I wanted a divorce, he never stopped loving me. Thursday evening God opened my eyes and showed me that HE had worked a miracle in Francisco's heart. His guard was down, his heart was open towards me, he wasn't defensive and trying to protect his ego, he was sweet, understanding, patient, kind, and gentle. In that moment of enlightenment, all the old hurts were cast from the east to the west. They didn't even matter anymore. I forgave my dear Cisco completely in that instant, forgave myself for giving up on him, and God replaced that bitterness and pain with love. Wondrous love. Forgiving, unconditional love. I'm in awe. Completely stunned. I finally feel like I'm actually married. To a man I will always cherish. These past 2.5 years have been the rockiest, most painful years of my life. But God has promised me He will restore those years and the positive, happy days will far outweigh those years in no time.
I also want to include a thought to those that think I'm wrong in rehashing my past and blaming my failures on those in my past or on past experiences. There is a quote I want to share with you from a book I've been reading called The Thinker's Way.
"Most serious problems do not appear suddenly; they develop gradually over time. In order to understand fully the present incarnation of your problem, it is helpful to identify its point of origin and trace its evolution. Just as pulling out a weed without extracting its roots fails to kill it, so trying to solve a problem without understanding its history often leads to results that are only temporary."