my essence

my essence
fire and wind, the essence of me

Thursday, December 9, 2010

The Healing Art of Honesty

I haven't posted in awhile, which I regret.  I have been in much pain and very exhausted.  But tonight I would like to blog even though my thoughts are scattered to the farthest ends of the earth.  I have decided to move to California.  I have found a coach there that will help me reach my fullest potential and achieve ultimate healing.  That means taking Dominick away from his grandparents and his cousins.  That thought breaks my heart.  I have been mulling this over and over and over again in my heart and mind, for months.  I've decided this is what is best for us.  Right now.  I only pray someday they will forgive me and will understand why I did it.  I told my husband today that I will be moving.  He didn't like it much, of course.  But I believe this will be better for him than he realizes.  I asked him to use our time apart to work on himself, find truth and peace for himself, while I work on me.  I want to be the best mom I can possibly be to my children.  I hope he can find the strength to have the same drive and goal.  I am not exactly sure when the move will occur.  Sometime in the early part of 2011, perhaps January, perhaps March.  It just depends on how the universe opens up the way for me.  All I know is that I must plan and prepare myself for it.  I do know I need to make that long of a trip before my third trimester. 
Speaking of which...  I had an interesting chat with my ob/gyn today.  I discovered after the birth of my first child (via C-section) that my uterus is heart-shaped.  I found that interesting but after today's discussion with the doc, I'm fascinated.  It REALLY IS heart-shaped!  My new doctor specializes in uterine abnormalities, and says that I have a bicornuate uterus. "Only the upper part of that part of the Mullerian system that forms the uterus fails to fuse, thus the caudal part of the uterus is normal, the cranial part is bifurcated. The uterus is 'heart-shaped'".  (taken from Wikipedia)  So in essence, this restricts the baby's ability to move, to turn head-down, or to grow to full-term.  I knew Dominick was a still, calm child, but I never fully understood why until now.  This type of abnormality only occurs in 0.1-0.5% of women in the U.S.   There is a high risk that it can abort itself because it doesn't have enough room to grow, but that's if it starts growing at the top of the uterus.  So for those of you who are reading this, please pray that this little baby girl of mine (or boy, but I really think it's a pretty pink girly-girl) can grow to at least 35 weeks.  That's when Dominick was born, and he was perfect in every way.  And because I love her and I want her to be comfortable, please pray that she grows face-up so that she can have plenty of room for her spine to develop right.  I really do appreciate your love, concern, positive energy and prayers that you are pouring into her right now. 

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